|The New Bastards 'R' Us
||[Jun. 4th, 2004|09:36 pm]
Mogwarts-School of the Dark Arts and Bastardology
|[||I'm feeling rather...
Dear Mogwarts Students;
I your dear headmaster Severus Snape have enclosed the new Bastards 'R' Us catalog in your latest Mogwarts mailing which should be arriving by owl post soon. Please excuse the grease marks as my hair was dripping onto the pages. Also no snivvling if the rat accidently ate your mailing and you expelled. Thats just the way it is. Sorry but im just trying to be my most bastardly. In this update i have included a list and descriptions of several required items for this term only avaialable in the new catalog. Please be quick about getting them or you will ind yourself subject to torture and hair washing and the money will be debited from your account. If the money is not available you will become my personal slave for life.
Headmaster of Mogwarts School
His Bastardlyness and
Author of "B is for Bastard"
(excerpt from the Bastards 'R' Us catalog)
Flame Thrower-Ideal for stopping your enemies right in thier tracks. Has the firepower of 15 Norwedgian Ridgeback Dragons! Never misses.
Confoundus Broom Charm- Garunteed to confuse your opponents enough to knock them out of the running.
Snitch Dispenser-Invisible component attached to your broomstick filled with international snitches. Garunteed to ein each game.
"101 Ways to be a bastard"- A comprehensive guide to being the best bastard you can be
please see your rat post for the complete list of books required this term.
Post Rat- Perfect for the bastardliest of letters. Colors and Sizes may vary.
Thieving Light- Gives light only to the holder!
Exploding Cauldrons-Scare all your friends by having your cauldron explode right in thier face!
This is only a small sample of the things available in the new Bastards 'R' Us catalog. For the full catalog (which is required) please send 2 galleons by post rat to Bastards Shop Inc.
Small Print. Customer Service: hahha sure! Send your complaint rat and it dies. All products made by Bastards 'R' Us so there is absolutely no garantees. All specials good only when we want them to be. If we think your name ifs funny no specials for you